Practicing Care

00:00:14: I was quickly walking down the streets of Lisbon on my way to a client meeting, coffee in my hand.

00:00:20: And I spilled it right over me!

00:00:23: A woman hurrying past me noticed and she stopped.

00:00:26: She reached into her handbag and handed me wet tissue.

00:00:30: Positively surprised by carrying act i said thank you very much.

00:00:34: while already heading off She could have just walked passed but decided stop and help.

00:00:41: It's small gesture but it had a meaningful impact.

00:00:45: In the weeks that followed, I started noticing moments I could have walked past myself and my behavior

00:00:51: changed.".

00:01:11: When we model caring behavior, it travels.

00:01:14: In particular when we are leading with care.

00:01:16: The main episode showed that empathy and care Are different capabilities.

00:01:21: They're connected but not the same.

00:01:24: Neuroscience has shown That they activate Different areas of our brain.

00:01:28: Practiced together They help us to understand What someone is going through And let's act on a two.

00:01:36: That woman paid attention.

00:01:37: She noticed an new that coffee stains don't make a nice impression.

00:01:42: She cared enough for a stranger to act and help the way she could, this was such a positive moment that it not only changed my behavior.

00:01:51: I told this story.

00:01:51: too many people And quite a few came back to me said they've become more attentive themselves.

00:01:57: That's just by hearing.

00:01:58: It is easy to care for people close but extend care beyond our inner circle Is what shapes entire environments.

00:02:07: This is the care propagation that researchers have tested.

00:02:11: What they found, Is that acts of Care can travel through approximately three degrees Of social connection before They fade.

00:02:19: The woman who helped me sparked Me to help others.

00:02:22: My Help ideally traveled Through two more degrees.

00:02:26: That's a domino effect of care.

00:02:28: So here my invitation To you As he moved thru the coming days Be slightly more awake to the small moments where someone could use your help.

00:02:37: Give people a hand, pick up things that others dropped.

00:02:41: The person who dropped it may not notice but other's will see.

00:02:44: you will Extend some kind words for somebody having hard day.

00:02:49: In our noisy and busy world we've become less attentive to environment And shows!

00:02:56: The carelessness is not just others.

00:02:59: It starts with ourselves.

00:03:01: If we want a different world, care starts with us.

00:03:05: This is the simplest but strongest practice of care and you can apply it immediately!

00:03:11: Next I want to give something that takes more time & effort.

00:03:15: In this main episode i gave one question which helps move from empathy to care What do need most right now?

00:03:22: But that questions only opens door.

00:03:25: so better be prepared before walk through.

00:03:28: The preparation is a small reflection on trust.

00:03:31: It's to check how much trust there is in your relationship with the other person.

00:03:36: As mentioned, In episode the broken spine Trust and care go hand-in-hand.

00:03:42: If we want help someone they need to trust us.

00:03:45: And what I'm asking you not just quick check.

00:03:48: Trust has several dimensions and i wanna give one that needs attention before ask this question.

00:03:55: There are four trust dimensions that matter most.

00:03:58: Let me walk you through them.

00:04:00: The first is the trust of safety.

00:04:03: It's a trust, but he won't use what people disclose against him in any way.

00:04:08: We don't want to share things with people who will use that information Against us?

00:04:13: The second is the Trust Of Discretion.

00:04:16: People need To Trust That What They Share Will Stay Inside The Conversation Regardless Of Who Else May Need To Get Involved Later.

00:04:24: This initial talk has to show full confidentiality if you want to get an honest answer.

00:04:30: So no potential listeners or devices that could record anywhere near you!

00:04:36: The third dimension is the trust of presence.

00:04:39: Leaders tend to jump to solutions and advice too often, too soon.

00:04:44: Check If You Have Such A Tendency.

00:04:46: People Want To Be Heard Before Being Helped.

00:04:49: So Prepare To Be Present And Able To Listen The trust of reliability.

00:04:56: If people know that you will follow through with what you promise, they're more likely to share what they really need.

00:05:03: otherwise They might be giving you What feels easy to get from You.

00:05:08: These four dimensions together are going To influence the conversation.

00:05:12: if any Of these is weak?

00:05:14: The answer you receive Will reflect it and the caring move Is to recognize which kind of Trust needs your attention.

00:05:22: Ideally all of them Are there But quite often, they're not.

00:05:26: So walk into the conversation aware of where trust is strong and where you need to reassure the person in front of you.

00:05:34: If trust on safety has been thin or uncertain In the past You can name explicitly that what they share will be used To help them Not against them And What They'll tell.

00:05:45: you Will inform how you support them Not How you judge them.

00:05:53: that you will not share any information without their prior consent.

00:05:58: If your pattern has been to leap to solutions and advice too quickly, You have to show them actively That you're listening And that you are NOT jumping To the first solution or advise That could potentially help!

00:06:12: And if reliability has been missing... ...you can tell them that YOU'RE GOING TO CLOSE THE CONVERSATION WITH THE NEXT STEP AND THAT YOU WILL COMMIT TO IT.

00:06:20: These are honest acknowledgments that you know.

00:06:23: whether trust is thin or uncertain.

00:06:25: When you address a potential lack of trust openly and show your care to establish it, they tend to respond with more honesty.

00:06:33: What follows as how you act on what comes back when you hear the answer too?

00:06:37: What do you need most right now?

00:06:40: It's a practice You can follow throughout The conversation.

00:06:43: It holds three simple checks That will help you keep focus.

00:06:50: Once you have the most honest answer that person can give, ask yourself whether it matches your situation.

00:06:57: They may've given an honest answer but still incomplete.

00:07:02: as mentioned in the main episode people who struggle also need orientation towards a solution.

00:07:08: The first response rarely holds full answers.

00:07:12: You might hear something like I just need more time to finish my work But what you observe are missing prioritization skills.

00:07:20: Giving them more time isn't the solution.

00:07:23: so, You might want to follow up by asking if More Time is not an option?

00:07:28: What else could help you?

00:07:30: your task Is to recognize The gap between what was said and what would actually Help And Your questions Are guiding people towards seeing what they really need.

00:07:39: in this scenario the next answer Could be more focus and less distraction.

00:07:45: You see how this narrows the answer down?

00:07:48: So keep in mind that, The first answer may be incomplete.

00:07:51: Follow-up questions also give people room to reflect on what a real challenge is and get an answer together with you.

00:07:59: This is how professional coaches work.

00:08:01: They don't hand people answers they ask the right question for the answer surface Once we have clear picture of what person needs.

00:08:11: second check is your agency.

00:08:14: Do you have the authority, the resources and the scope to make this happen?

00:08:19: If the answer is yes.

00:08:20: You can act on it.

00:08:22: if The answer is no that carry move is to be honest about It.

00:08:26: next you Can hand the situation To someone who has the agency to Act On it.

00:08:31: for example if a person Requires adjustments to their working conditions you may need to involve other people to Make arrangements Address it and ask their permission to share the reason for who needs to be involved.

00:08:44: Your agency can be used to make help accessible!

00:08:47: Now let's move on to our third check, this one is unresponsibility.

00:08:52: Even when you have an agency to act – ask yourself whether you should be acting at all?

00:08:58: It's the hardest for very caring leaders but as a leader we need to know where your ability to help breaches boundaries or limits.

00:09:06: Some situations require help that belongs in the hands of someone else.

00:09:11: A team member dealing with distress, mental health or a difficult personal situation needs someone professionally trained to support.

00:09:20: You may have the agency to listen To give time off and adjust their workload but actual help is not yours to provide.

00:09:28: Recognizing this isn't just protecting you from making false promises.

00:09:32: It also shows that you have the humility to know your limitations.

00:09:36: A leader who tries to be everything to everyone usually ends up being less than helpful, to anyone.

00:09:43: Letting go of that instinct when a situation calls for something different takes humility and practice.

00:09:50: Pointing someone to their support they actually need even if it means stepping aside is also care!

00:09:57: These three checks together can turn this caring question into actual help.

00:10:02: First you reflect on the trust, then ask what someone needs most.

00:10:06: When in a conversation do three checks first keep that answer can be incomplete and narrow it down.

00:10:14: Then check your agency to see how or if they help.

00:10:18: And last is about responsibility.

00:10:21: You help where possible but in line with boundaries and limitations.

00:10:26: I gave two practices today one small acts of care that you can immediately start.

00:10:32: And one reflection, You Can Use To Prepare Before You Ask The Question On What Someone Needs Combined With Three Checks to Keep the Conversation Focused.

00:10:42: So what's next?

00:10:44: If you've been with me across all previous episodes... ...you have been working on something larger than each individual topic.

00:10:52: We started with checking on the beliefs your operating on.

00:10:55: This was important because our beliefs shape our environments.

00:11:00: When it comes to leadership, you need to check if how you lead is primarily confirming your beliefs or really shaping an environment where people can thrive and do their best work.

00:11:10: The episodes that followed are six foundational leadership practices Grounded respect Holding power with care Confident humility Reclaiming curiosity Building trust And daring to care.

00:11:26: They connect in ways that you may not have fully recognized yet, but when you practice them consistently they become the foundation of what next episode is about.

00:11:36: Authenticity!

00:11:38: And this will be a closing for the first season.

00:11:41: Of course there are more to come so stay curious and tuned.

00:11:46: Thanks for tuning into The New Work Playbook where work gets better because people matter.